RED FLAGSally just turned twenty years old. She is happy that she is not a teenager anymore. She has become more aware of herself. Sally feels new and rejuvenated and wants to tell the whole world how happy she is and how this new year of her life is exciting. Sally wants to be treated like the adult that she is. After all, she is an adult. She takes out her phone and reads a text that was sent by her “boyfriend”(it’s in quotes because the relationship had not been defined it was more than a friendship and less than a relationship) “He remembered!” She screams in her head. Sally smiles  and then the smile fades away, as she goes through the conversations they have had before.In as much as she is happy that Billy remembered her birthday, she feels like she is trying too hard. It feels as though she is chasing Billy yet it should be Billy doing the chasing. She has known Billy for almost a year now and feels like she knows nothing about him. At first, they were just friends, going out for coffee and cake, milkshakes and ice-cream, then she became emotionally attached to Billy. Billy became the centre of her her life. Billy was the only person she could think about. The only problem is, whenever she told him that she was getting emotionally attached, he always said that they should take things slow. Sally for a moment thought that it’s just because of his personality and the male  “ego” that he could not confess of his feelings for her. RED FLAG 2She wanted to give him the benefit of a doubt. She let him hold her and touch her in ways that no man had ever held her. He gave her a sense of security. She wanted to make him happy.

Time elapsed and Sally got tired, she began habouring feelings of resentment towards Billy but she still wanted to hang on, so that she could make him happy. Her heart was heavy, her service to God became less important. Sally cried herself to sleep every night as she felt as though God had forsaken her. She decided to talk to Billy again who told her the same thing as the last time, but this time, he said 

Just because I don’t say it, doesn’t mean I don’t feel it…” 

Women know that before men confess or profess their love and commitment to a woman, they have analysed the situation and done all the math and whatever else it is that they do before they know that she is the one. I once read that a man’s love is different from a woman’s love. Because a woman’s love is gentle and tender but for a man, he will, profess, protect and provide (all Steve Harvey’s fans say Hallelujah). A man will profess his love for you if he truly loves you. He will state his intentions from the word go. He won’t want to hide you, but rather, will want to show you off. Women are patient, but men, please, don’t expect us to read your minds. We need you to say these things once in a while. Trust me, if you are taking your woman for granted, someone else will appreciate her somewhere else.

Back to the statement that our friend Billy here told Sally. First, what am I? An angel? How should I know what you feel if you are not going to tell me? It’s like going to the doctor and just sitting there expecting him to diagnose your illness without you speaking up! It makes no sense at all. In my opinion, that statement and any other statements of this nature are vague, non committal, uncertain and dodgy and they leave room for interpretation. I believe that a person who is serious will be firm and clear about his intentions and will also back them up. Someone once told me that a vague man is either deliberately manipulative or weak and trust me, nobody wants to end up with either.

Sally, wanted to keep holding on, no matter how hard and tormenting it was for her, emotionally. It’s probably because we have a tendency to stay longer than we should because it hurts to watch something we love transform into something we hate.Screenshot_2016-02-05-21-10-26-1 A good relationship, does not hurt, it only brings joy and happiness. 1st Corinthians 13:4-7 says ”  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” So if the relationship you’re in, exhibits the opposite of all these characteristics, my friend, flee. Pack up and go.

It is not love when the other person treats you like garbage, condescends to you as though you are a thing or commodity and not a precious person made in God’s image and leaves you feeling vile, hurts you with no apologies and does all these things in the dark. But all these things have to start with you and whether you believe you are worth so much more.

Sally is only twenty, with a promising future ahead of her. Your relationship with God is the most important. There is no point in rushing into relationships that pull you more away from God. Let God work on you first. You need to ask yourself if you are the person the person you are looking for is looking for. Let nothing take the place of God in your life. You are worth more than what you think or what everyone else leads you to think. If Sally is out there, don’t be afraid to stand or even walk alone if all those around you are below par. You are a precious child of God and you must be treated with that dignity just as you must treat others. Nobody who loves you will ever expect you to lower yourself. Remember to always ignore the tough talk and flowery language and see someone for who they truly are.

Remember that what’s yours will always come after you





XoXo with love,


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