I have been doing a lot of soul searching recently and as the first born daughter, I have recently understood what holding that title means. Having to balance work and school and fill mommy’s shoes when she’s not around. It was overwhelming at first, but I had to stop for a while and breathe. Then I thought, “Maybe, I just don’t want to grow up. Maybe this is not meant for me. I guess this is a phase that I have to go through ( I have no option right? *sigh*).” But anyway, when I searched my soul, I realised that I have my fears about growing up, so I’ll share some of them with you when it comes to growing up.Maybe you guys could share yours too. (Give a sister some encouragement, hahaha)
I once watched a movie with the title “Age of Adaline” which is basically about a woman who loses her husband and survives a car wreck, after which, she emerges ageless and her looks are frozen at 28. Hold it right there! 28 people! 28. (I wish it was younger though but anyway) She does not have to grow old, wrinkled, with a sagging chin and a white-haired head (This looks kind of cool though).
I don’t want to grow old! There’s this cliché that says that wisdom comes with every strand of white hair that grows. I know you know it, right? Even my own five year old brother knows that! Truth is, I wish that we could just scrap off the aging part and wisdom being some sort of bonus for it. Getting older is hard people! It’s hard! Not that I am old.(just saying)
This is what I find hard about getting older.
- Wait! Do not judge me on this particular one. Look, it’s a fact that the older you grow, the more the responsibilities you have. The responsibilities you have now are more than those you had two years ago. You will probably get married at some point; have a family of your own. Then the bills just keep piling up. Loans, loans and more loans! The older you grow the more bills you have to pay! Yet you want to buy that Celine handbag or those nude Loubs! Then you realise that you have to prioritize. *rolls eyes*
2. Decision making. You know that phase in life where your parents keep saying don’t do this, and you want to show them what a ninja you are? I know it too well. At some point, I shall have to make my own decisions. No mother, no father. Just me. Probably with the uncertainty of what the outcome of my decisions will be. In as much as it is hard to admit, it is better when your parents are making the decisions because it is much easier to blame negative results on someone else than on yourself! (I know right?) At this point, you have to take responsibility for all your actions and I mean all of them, whether positive or negative.
3. Fear of the unknown. This particular one really describes how I feel. I am so afraid of what is ahead. Do not get me wrong honey, I want to know what the future holds for me. However, at the same time I know that the devil is not asleep. There is this cocoon that I want to remain in. Under the comfort of my parents because there are lesser chances of me making “stupid” decisions and they can dream for me good dreams and tell me all about them, and all I have to do is work my little behind off to the top, still under their wings. But there is still that aspect of me wanting to be my own person and wanting to explore and making my own mistakes. It’s taking risks that is a bit scary but if you don’t, you’ll never know right?
It all boils down to one thing, the fear of failure. That is just it, fearing to fail. In the end, I know that we need to realize that it’s all part of life. Fears and worries are part of life, right?
I think that as I grow up, different lessons are learnt and different responsibilities come and we have to go with the flow. What are your fears when it comes to moving to the next stage in life? I would really like to know. Post a comment and share. We might all learn a lesson or two.
XoXo with love,